SlobsofGaming

Okay, so maybe I watch a little anime in my spare time. But I only watch the good stuff. No retarded ninja kids, no stupid high school dramas. No, I occasionally watch stuff like Queen's Blade, which is a lot like Mortal Kombat. With more lesbians. And less clothing.

Anyways, the game itself isn't due until this Christmas, and even more unfair, it's only going to be released in Japan. That doesn't stop us from bringing you the NSFW sexy, though! Screenshots still continue to filter through Famitsu and Dengeki, and we've been surprised to learn that there's an actual GAME behind this stuff. Who knew?

You think THAT'S racy? Well, Namco Bandai isn't just busting out delicious artwork for the game. There's more -- OH, YES, there is more (behind the jump).

Grace Beck is HOT. She's an avid Pokemon collector, one of the top 3 players in the world, and she's also got a great pair of legs. Rowr.

Usually, I just tune out my nerd-hammer co-worker when he starts blathering about Pokemons or French wallrunning or whatever stupid fad he's into. But this -- this is gold, baby! Trainers, say Hello to Grace Beck: She's better than you at Pokemon and you can't do a damn thing about it aside from stare at her awesome PokeBall nail paint.

Damn you, KenTheGreat1. You're supposed to be working. Not peddling this softcore Poke Pr0n delicious modeling shoot.

Internet obsessions are my bread and butter -- video games wouldn't be half as fun without them.

We did a little countdown on the top Mega Man rap video a short bit back, but that second got me thinking... just how much do people really like Splash Woman? A quick Internet search later proves that Mega Man fans like her a little too much. It makes a guy think: the Mega/Splash fanfiction pages are probably even more awkward.

"Splash Woman", =Themrock

If this was a wall poster, I'd totally be all over it (uh, I mean, buying it).

Queen's Blade: it's a Japanese gaming series, a mobile phone game, and the object of desire for several socially wacked "otaku" nerds. That would be because of the entirely female roster, all of which are mostly running around in the buff with giant swords. It's also going to be a brand-new Namco-Bandai PSP game, and we wanted to take a second to tell you guys three VERY important things about the series that spawned this new fighting title.

#3: This game will never come to the U.S.

Now that we're ignoring Pokecrap for the time being, let's talk about something steamy and exotic. Queen's Blade, a fighting game based on a sexy Dungeons & Dragon-style "Game Book" series, just got announced in Japan for the PSP, but it's not coming to U.S. shores. This is a travesty.

So, why the overseas ban?

Well, the plot of Queen's Blade is essentially Mortal Kombat, except the Outworld is the Medieval Ages, the fighters are all nubile Amazon women with enormous amounts of breastage, and the Fatalities are replaced with ripping people's clothes off. Essentially, it's just the best series of anything in history. That's exactly why we're not going to be getting this game in America, since the ESRB would have to invent a new rating for it. Damn.

Just like the anime, the Queen's Blade fighters play dirty, going right for the soft, tender spots. OUCH.

In Pokemon, Gym Leaders are supposed to be the cream of the crop, the absolute best at what their chosen type of battling is. In fact, they're supposed so good at it, that the Pokemon League sees fit to fund them a Gym and Gym Trainers hang out in eternal servitude to rough up badge hunters. So why are so many of these Gym Leaders so pathetically easy to beat?

Despite years of intense training, Brock's best Pokemon is barely stronger than the ones you just picked up this morning.

This thing bugged me at the very start of the series, Pokemon Red and Blue, when Brock and his Onix fell to my Bulbasaur with nary more than a Vine Whip and some Tackle attacks. I'm not going to bother getting into the physics of it, but I'm pretty sure that whipping some plant vines around shouldn't be able to render a 30-foot tall, 400-pound rock serpent unconscious. The same thing with Squirtle's Bubble Attack. Bubbles? Really? How is getting a Rock Pokemon a little damp a damaging battle tactic?

Resident Evil 5 is lurching onto shelves this week, so we're giving away some of the RE5/Tricell goodies that GamePro's gotten in the mail. We're going to do an old-fashioned caption contest, and the best/most interesting/funniest entry wins some kickass prizes that I'm not allowed to keep for myself! Just comment in this post with your caption of choice (1 per user per picture), and we'll announce a winner on Friday when the game launches!

(Even though I can't win goddammit editorial rules I've written in some of my own samples, too!

All this and more can be yours: read to get the full RE5 lowdown!

DA RULES:

• Hit the jump and pick a screenshot!
• Make a caption and submit it to the comments area.
• Be sure to preference which photo you're captioning!
• Only one entry per picture!
• No racism or anything that we'll have to delete!

Well, Capcom's Street Fighter IV Fight Club sure as heck didn't have an open bar, but we did get our hands on some sweet SFIV swag. Wanna win some of it from us? Then just answer one of the following questions below and send me a hefty check hit the comments section to getcher name in our drawing bucket!

Which Street Fighter character is YOUR favorite (and Why)?

Which Street Fighter would YOU wanna see in a tiny swimsuit, a la DOA Xtreme Beach Masterbation Volleyball?

What's your favorite version of Street Fighter (or favorite sequel)?

And on our closing note, we'll announce a random winner this coming Friday -- oh, and for legality,

only 5 entries per user allowed!

X-Blades was already looking like hot stuff, but a steady stream of updates from Zuxxez Entertainment is peaking everyone's interest. It's really fascinating -- this game should appeal to the "ultra hardcore anime-loving horny gamer demographic," which means X-Blades should make a hundred bajillion dollars. Yeah.

Well, I'm definitely going to be contributing to that giant pot of money... and here's three reasons why.

3: It's like God of War, but with more crotch shots and cleavage.

The only thing that could have made God of War an even better would have been if Kratos was sassy, ethnic, large-breated, and female. Ninja Theory almost got it right with Heavenly Sword, but Nariko's lithe booty was never close enough to the camera for decent drooling. Now, X-Blades looks like it's solved the problem with half the fabric and twice the angles, taking a page directly from every anime ever created.

During this time of year, we'd like to pay tribute to the smallest minority in video game history (aside from the Jewish) -- the Native Americans! We've put together a list of gaming's most notable Natives, with characters from Tekken, Street Fighter II, and a few other memorable titles. Have a good holiday, and remember -- if you're not bursting at the seams with corn, sweet potatoes and turkey, you're not doing the season justice.

#7. Chief Thunder (Killer Instinct)

His twin tomahawks are dangerous enough, but he'll literally rain down thunder on your ass.