On occasion, bad movies are made, with the inevitable bad movie trailer soon to follow. However, these acts of misguided creativity don't have to be complete washes, since the premise behind many of these debacles often showed promise. It is with that thought that we reveal how these cinema flops could be turned into successful video game franchises, as we present "7 Incredibly Horrible Movie Trailers That Would Make Incredibly Awesome Video Games!"
Deathstalker 2: Duel of the Titans
This revolutionary beat-'em-up title would have you playing as the infamous prince of thieves. Not the universally recognized and appreciated Robin Hood, but the lesser known and generally distained Deathstalker. As this often shirtless and oil-covered hero, you'd take part in a very non-clich� adventure to save a fallen princess, while doing battle with hundreds of very distinct-looking, bounty hunters, assassins, and mercenaries, each distinguished by their own individual color. During these non-repetitious battles with unique villains, you'd have the option to deliver extremely humorous one liners simply by pressing the X button. Hilarious lines would include: "I rob from the rich. And keep it myself" or "I'm back by popular demand," ensuring laughter for days. So if you like innovative action, creative adventure and women with big hair, keep your fingers crossed that this game gets picked up.
Spermula
In Spermula, The Game, you would play as the female leader of a Spermulite squad who have taken a break from their vaporous ecstasy to conquer the idiotic populous of the planet Earth. But while invading a planet of imbeciles may sound easy, you'd soon find that traveling so many nac-turds to reach this moronic world has left you weak and powerless. In order to recoup all of the indispensable abilities needed to defeat these half-wits, a certain amount of experience would have to be gained, allowing you to slowly level-up your Spermulite until you're again capable of assailment. Such experience could be gained in two ways: one, by draining out a man's strength until his unmentionables shrivel and wilt, or two, by not losing your lunch during that "disgusting physical act called sex." This game could make GTA4 seem like E.T. on the Atari 2600.
The Ninja Squad
To our knowledge, there has yet to be a video game that allows you to play as a ninja. So wouldn't it be refreshing to break new ground and release a title solely dedicated to this underrepresented occupation. And to honor this incredible new genre, we'd use the utmost accuracy in portraying the ninja experience, even including the traditional ninja headband--that has ninja printed in English directly on it. However, the Ninja Squad would not only be a martial arts/action simulator, no, it would also include romance and drama just as compelling as the movie it's based on. So if you Ninja Squad fanboys were worried that the scene where the father tells his crying daughter not to fall in love with ninjas would be cut, rest assured it would not. Let's all keep our collective fingers crossed that through Ninja Squad, this obscure profession will finally be featured in the gaming world.
Zombie Cop
If you liked Stubbs the Zombie and Virtua Cop then you'd love this hybrid game: Zombie Cop. Zombie cop would represent a new breed of light-gun shooters where you aren't asked to kill thousands of zombies (a la House of the Dead or Resident Evil), but instead, as a zombie, you're asked to kill thousands of humans, specifically thousands of law-breaking humans. You'd play as detective Robert Gill, a by-the-book cop who indicates that he's a zombie by wearing bandages over his face. During this game's 100-plus hours of gameplay, expect to utilize your trusty sawed-off shotgun to blast mullet-adorned criminals into potato chip displays, and to beat up voodoo priests in forests. Also watch out for those helpless motorists--shooting them would result in massive point deductions. So get ready to "waive your rights" because Capcom's surely poised to pick this title up.
Race with the Devil
While watching evil, satanic rituals can often be fun, this game would demonstrate what happens when this enjoyable spectacle turns ugly. In Race With the Devil, The Game, you'd be tasked with driving a highly maneuverable RV during an escape from a band of under-the-weather Satanists. And you can be sure that Lucifer's scoundrels won't be easy to defeat, hatching all manner of fiendish plots to end what once was your dream vacation. Whether it be rattlesnakes, motorcyclists, or roving groups of elderly mutes, be prepared for it all during this race from Beelzebub. But rest assured these hellions go down from shotgun blasts just like regular God-fearing people. Hopefully Nintendo sees all the promise this title offers and decides to release this game with that revolutionary Wii Wheel.
American Force 4: Soldier Terminators
While people will often complain if movies don't have plots, in video games it's completely acceptable to do nothing more than shoot unlimited amounts of bullets into things until they explode. And that's exactly what you'd do in American Force 4, The Game. At the start of this game, you'd be given the option to select one of three soldier terminators, including "The Eye Patch Guy," "The Guy With a Perm," or "The Blonde Loose Canon." After that you'd be turned loose in some random jungle or forest where you'd shoot/explode anything that moves. As an added bonus, during certain sections of the game a random guy speaking some sort of Asian dialect would begin talking over the action, improving the game's atmosphere ten-fold. So if taking on "the unseen enemy within, who destroys like an evil disease" sounds like your idea of a good time, send Bioware a letter requesting this game's immediate development!
Gymkata
Gymkata is clearly the most powerful martial arts discipline ever created, but unfortunately, it has only been documented once. So as a celebration of this underappreciated discipline, it's high time Gymkata, The Game sees the light of day. This game would have you playing as Kurt Thomas, the three-time world gymnastics champion, who, using gymnastics' discipline, timing and power combined with karate's explosive force, would do battle with third-world ninjas and destitutes. Each level would feature natural structures resembling gymnastics equipment (such as a pommel-horse-shaped rock) that would need to be utilized to see gymkata at its most deadly. Using these lethal methods would incur huge point totals as well as massive body counts. So get ready, because when gymnastics and karate are fused, the combustion becomes an explosion: an explosion of awesomeness!
